What do I wish? by Penny Blake

What do I wish?

I got pregnant at 17.

I went to a social worker NUN for counseling.

I wish that instead of humanistic platitudes the nun told me the TRUTH as it is in Jesus.

I wish that she had never called murdering my baby by abortion an 'option'. That was my little baby she was calling an 'option'. It was like she was asking whether I wanted the 'option' of jimmies on my ice cream cone. But, that was my son or daughter that nun was calling a 'choice'. How could she make it seem like killing my baby or letting her live was just a 'decision', like whether choosing between chunky or smooth peanut butter?

I wish that she had dignified my child with the TRUTH about him or her. My little boy or girl's heart was beating.

I wish that she had told me that the Creator designed me & my baby. Why didn't she tell me that the Lord Himself knew my baby before He allowed me to conceive him or her. Why didn't she tell me what God said in Jeremiah 1:5? She was a NUN for crying out loud!

I wish that nun had told me that my infant was a gift from God. Didn't she ever read Psalm 127:3? Why didn't she take out the Bible & read Psalm 139 to me?

I wish that she had reminded me of the commandments I'd learned in Sunday School. Especially: "You shall not commit adultery" &  "You shall not murder". Had that nun forgotten that she was supposed to call me to sexual purity & to protect my baby from harm? Didn't the nun want me to save myself for my husband?

I wish she had told me about sin. Aren't religious ladies supposed to do that? Why didn't she tell me that sin is trangression of the Law of God? Didn't she KNOW? Didn't she CARE I was going to hell?

I wish that nun had not focused so much on ME & what I "wanted". I came to her FOR HELP. I thought she KNEW the right answers. I was 17, for crying out loud.

I wish she had pointed me away from myself & turned my eyes toward heaven, where my Maker would help me see myself, my baby & my life in the light of HIS TRUTH. How could that nun forget about God? Wasn't she supposed to be MARRIED to Him?

I wish that nun had told me that God had created me in His own image & that even though I had sinned by fornication, He had given my baby to me as a gift. Why didn't she tell me that? Why didn't she tell me how good God is?

I wish that she had told me it was wrong & sin to be sexually immoral & that God commanded that I put away all thoughts of doing any harm to my baby. What was WRONG with her? Didn't she CARE about my child? Didn't she care about my soul?

I wish that she had shown me photos of my baby at 6 weeks. I wish that she had shown me how amazing my baby was. Why didn't she do that?

I wish that nun had shown me abortion images. I do not understand why she would withhold the TRUTH from me.

I wish that she had offered to help me through pregnancy. Why wasn't she willing to be my friend & a friend to my baby?

I wish that she had told me about adoption. Why didn't she mention that there are loving couples who would have loved my child if I decided I couldn't raise him or her?

I wish that nun had told me that there were maternity homes. Why didn't she take the time to help me find one?

I wish that nun loved God. Why didn't she tell me that He sent His Son so that lost girls like me could be forgiven & made clean by the Blood of the Lamb? Why didn't she tell me that I needed to repent of my fornication & any thoughts of murdering my baby & trust in Jesus?

I wish that nun loved me. I mean REALLY loved me.

I wish she loved my baby. What's NOT to love? I wish she protected my baby. My child was poor & helpless. Didn't she read the story of the Good Samaritan? Didn't she think my little one deserved to be kept from harm?

Why didn't she love me & my baby?

Why did that religious woman leave me in my sin?

I guess I'll never know.